Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
