I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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