No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
