I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
