I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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