I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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