she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
