I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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