but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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