I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
