Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
