i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
