Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
