Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
