3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
