My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
