She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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