I got her a Nickelback box set.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
