their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
