My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
