dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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