Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Pooping to opera.
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