I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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