How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
