I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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