That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
