today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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