yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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