Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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