i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
