we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
