remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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