literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't make out with my wife yet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
