She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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