Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
