Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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