Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
