I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
