just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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