Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
