i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
