Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
