every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
