I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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