and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A bitchslap is in order.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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