I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
