Too much gin, very little bucket
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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