it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
