you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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