Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
