my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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