This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
