I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
