Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
