yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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