i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
