the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
