Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
