You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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