tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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