I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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