They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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