So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
