he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
