i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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