Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
