you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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