census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
