my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
