I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
