I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
