used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
