Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
