Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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